The world is full of people who are punishing themselves in all sorts of ways because of a deep self-hatred. They use as many different ways to harm themselves as there are different people. It can be physical or mental punishment. I’ve even done it myself at certain points in my own life and I’ve seen it play out in loved ones. Everyone has their own individual method of self-harm. It can involve substance abuse, physical abuse against their own bodies or even allowing others to abuse them. But the harm doesn’t have to be physical. We hurt ourselves just as badly in our thoughts and with our words. We don’t need others to be the source of condemnation.
There are also those who are being, or have been, harmed by others and have developed their own form of self-protection. Some of these mechanisms do actually protect them in a way but in the end these self-protective methods end up separating them from anyone who might be trying to help them. So, in this way they end up not protecting them at all. They are just a means of them getting through life as best they can. We have all developed methods of protecting ourselves and they are as varied as becoming aggressive, violent, controlling, manipulative, passive, deceptive, people-pleasing. You can add your own to this list.
Self-punishment and self-protection are not always readily recognizable for what they are. Sometimes it’s obvious but sometimes the root of a particular behaviour can be so hidden that it is impossible for the person or a loved one to know where it came from or why it formed. Both self-punishment and unhealthy self-protection mechanisms can develop when we do not know who we are and how much we are loved. We do not know or trust the only one who can actually protect us, the one who made us, loves us and knows us better than we know ourselves.
The journey to trusting the Father is also a journey of letting go of our own manufactured self-protection and allowing Him to protect us. Letting go of self-condemnation is essential. There are so many precious people whose self-reflection turns into self-condemnation. Many times this leads to such a focus on self that everything becomes about themselves, even when it’s not. This can turn into a victim mentality where they always see themselves in the role of the victim, which means they self-defend which oftentimes turns into attacking others as a way of deflecting blame. The journey of learning to trust the Father means we have to stop being so focused on ourselves. When we understand that God is good, I mean really and truly understanding this, that is a huge step toward learning to trust.
I, personally, don’t believe God has to punish our bad behaviour at all. Our actions bring their own consequences. Those consequences can look like punishment and a lot of people just consider it God’s punishment. But wasn’t His righteous punishment put on Jesus who chose to take it on Himself so that we would be free from it. He has delivered us from evil, delivered us from condemnation. And when we accept what He did for us and receive it, we can thrown self-condemnation out the window. Biblical conviction means being truly sorry and taking responsibility for our actions and repenting. It doesn't mean being sorry that we were caught in something we did, but being truly sorry that we ever did it. Repentance means making a change and thus becoming free from what we were tied to. When Jesus is our Lord and savior, the condemnation and fear that is tied to what we may think we deserve, should not have dominion over us anymore.
Allow me to introduce you to the God that I know. Many others know Him like I do but many more have an image of Him that is shaped by what they have been taught, by detrimental experiences and by what others have done. Many of these things have nothing to do with the God I have come to know. For many years I thought God was this power in heaven but that He was irrelevant to my everyday life. I also thought He could not be relied upon, was unfair, restrictive, angry, absent, allowing terrible things to happen on the earth and in the lives of people. My view was skewed by what I had heard but also by lack of knowledge. We never have the whole picture, so we can never know why certain things happen. I have now come to know God as a loving Father. He is so unbelievably kind. He is a passionate caregiver. He is reliable. He is a counselor and strengthens the weak. He is just. He gives wisdom to those who ask for it. He is almighty and worthy of reverence and bewonderment (is that even a word). My language comes to the end of itself when I try to describe Him and what He means to me. This makes the relationship I have come to value with Him even more amazing.
Knowing God is good and loving does not, however, gloss over the fact that He operates outside of our ability to understand. He is almighty. That means we dare not think we can know what justice and mercy are and how they affect all things. When we come face to face with a situation that we do not understand, a situation where we think what has happened is unjust and God allowed it to happen, we need to stop and remember that God is God. That means He operates on a level we, as humans (no matter how genius we think we are) simply do not understand. We will have to wait for the answers to some questions till eternity but we can trust here and now that, even though we do not understand, He is amazing and great.
