This song became more than a song but a revelation to me very recently. I had been struggling for weeks to finish the vocals for the song and I decided to leave it out of the album.
The words I had written became a reality to me late one night when my husband suddenly became very sick and stopped breathing. He was unresponsive for long enough for me to face the realization that every breath is not promised. We breathe only because we are allowed to breathe and when our breath is taken away, we will no longer be here and will leave behind, on this side of eternity, the ones we love and who love us.
I thank God that my husband recovered quickly and is still with me and ok. I am also grateful that I was able to recognize, through this, that we have no real control over our lives, no matter how much we think we do. This was not a realization of fear and did not bring about panic (except in the initial stage before I had time to catch myself) but rather, it made me keenly aware that the presence of those we love is a gift from God and there is a finite time that we are given to enjoy them.
Another thing that this brought home to me is that we do not know how long we have on this earth to get rid of those things that we need to get rid of. By that I mean that we hold onto emotions that need to be let go of. We need to get rid of unforgiveness, hate, bitterness, pride, all those painful emotions that imprison us. You might think, but I will be free from these things when I die.
Don‘t be so sure of that. Your body stops living when your spirit leaves your body, but the essence of who you are goes with you. I believe that bitterness, hatred, unforgiveness, envy and fear need to be left here on the earth plane, otherwise they will go with us into eternity. My understanding is that they are part of the soul that we take with us. What that means practically, you can think about yourself. Living with bitterness and hatred and unforgiveness for eternity sounds like hell to me.
I knew this song would be important for me when I wrote it but I didn‘t know how important it would be in shifting my perspective.
There is a light at the end of the day, a light at the end of our days on the earth. His name is Jesus and He is real. The only way to rid yourself from those things that make life on earth a living hell, is by surrendering them to Him. And that is not as easy as reciting a prayer and joining a church. A church that understands who God is and is not concerned with who they are, is a good place to be because they teach God‘s word, which changes us. But the real way to release all those tormenting emotions is by coming into relationship with God, through His son, and that is only possible through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit reveals to us who God is, He shows us what we need to do to come into right relationship with Him. This is only possible by surrendering your own self and pride and trusting in a perfect God.
Our idea of who God is, is so far removed from who He really is that it is nearly impossible to trust Him with our human way of seeing things.. It is only possible through His Spirit who reveals who He is. We have to get rid of our idea of what love is. Earthly love does not come close to showing us who God is. God does not just love us, He IS love. Who He is is so much more than what we have experienced as love so it requires a complete overhaul of our way of thinking.
We should not trust God like we trust people. People are human and even the ones with the best intentions will disappoint us, because humans are not capable of perfect love. Our own needs always play a part in what we do. In most cases our reactions and behaviors are the result of mechanisms we have created subconsciously to protect ourselves. Most people do not want to be bad, selfish or bitter. They become that way through experiences that have forged systems in them as a way to protect themselves. If you learn to really trust God, then you can trust people to the extent that you know they are fallible and know that God will protect you from them when they fail. It is the only way out of the torment many live in.
Our lives are completely dependent on God, whether we know it or not; whether we acknowledge Him or not. Everyone who has ever lived has only lived because the creator made it possible.
It is possible and even probable that every life is not exactly as God originally intended it to be. I do not believe it was ever intended that anyone be born lacking anything, however, even if they are, it does not diminish the intrinsic value of every life. Most people go through life without even thinking about the fact that our next breath is not promised, it is a gift of God.
We cannot create life and it is not ours to take. I am referring here to the original intention of the creator. Life has deviated from the original intention but that does not make it any less valuable. There are arguments, even good ones, for and against taking the lives of those who are corrupting and harming others to such an extent that their existence undermines the health of society at large. But that is not what I am talking about here. This is just me meditating on how dependent we are on God’s grace and kindness in giving us life.
People have tried with intellect, with force and with guile to argue away the fact that Jesus is who He is. But no matter what they say, Jesus remains the one who has earned, deserves and is worthy of absolute authority, rule and majesty. He is the light at the end of all days. One day everyone will realise that truth but it is our choice while we are alive that determines where we will spend eternity.
